A Funny Thing Happened to Me...

If you’re wondering where I’ve been, I was held up by something unexpected.

Apparently, the monster could spit digestive enzymes. Intelligent burrito-derived crustacean that it is, it got the bright idea to spit all over itself to melt it’s chains. It’s a clever one, I’ll give it that. Me, on the other hand? I’m painfully stupid.

You see, I didn’t notice that the creature’s chains had been melted when I came down to feed it. The little rat bastard waited for me to get close, and then charged. I’m not mad, though. Considering it’s behavior the last time it got lose, I was expected the worst. It didn’t eat me, though; it attached itself to me.

Yes, I was surprised too. It seems to be a benevolent, believe it or not. You can see how I would have thought otherwise at first, given how unbelievably painful the process was, but it’s better this way; no need to spend weeks learning to communicate when you share a nervous system, right? Right.

Walking around was a little difficult at first, what with the big green crab monster fused to my spinal cord, but we’ve gotten used to it.

Hell, I don’t know if it’s “we” or “I” anymore… We’re technically two organisms, but we’re sharing nutrients, immune systems, memories, and damn near everything else. It’s a symbiotic relationship. It’s pretty cool, besides the constant thirst, but we’re working on that.

…

Oh, Crabby has something he’d like to say:

“STUPID PRIMATES WHO CALL HOUSE, CEASE TELEMARKETING. I HAVE NO NEED OF YOUR SHOES. MY CRAB FEET ARE SPIKY AND POWERFUL; I NEED NOT YOUR RUNNING SHOES. I WALK THROUGH THE SHARPEST CORAL WITH NO FEAR OF HARM. MY SHELL CANNOT BE BROKEN BY YOUR FLESHY MEAT-HANDS. I WILL PINCH WHOEVER APPROACHES. I AM THE CRAB.”

He thinks they’re trying to eat him, which would be funny if his aggression pheromones weren’t seeping into my system. I kind of want to kill something and lay eggs in it right now, but he says that will pass.

Bad and Getting Worse

I checked on the can this morning, and sweet Jesus is it nasty. I had an idea about moving it, but the bag is all wet with... Something.

As for the inside of the can, it's worse than before. There's a thick layer of crusty slime all over everything. I tired removing a piece (with gloves, of course), but it's stuck firmly to the wall of goo. Oddly enough, most of the trash has been somehow shoved to the sides of the can, allowing you to look straight to the bottom, where a strange green juice has begun to gather. I spit in it to see what would happen.

There was a sizzling noise, and some stream rose up. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was developing digestive juices...

More information as it develops.

WTF?!

This is getting really, really weird.

The burrito slop was at the bottom of my trashcan just this morning. It seemed larger than it was yesterday, but I assumed my imagination was playing tricks on me. Clearly, I was wrong. There's no doubt about it-it's absolutly getting bigger. After digging for it yesterday, I re-covered it with the rest of the trash. As of five minutes ago, pretty much everything in that can is covered with disgusting brownish-yellow slime.

Whatever I spit up the other day was no ordinary burrito. It's now taken over my trashcan. Maybe I'm a sucker for punishment, but I'm going to wait until tomarrow and see how big it gets.